I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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