I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
