that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
