Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
