At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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