make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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