I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
