This girl is more easily done than said...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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