Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
