You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
