About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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