Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
