his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
