I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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