That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
