I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
