some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
