So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
