I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
