First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
