fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
