The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
