Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
