Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
