I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
