Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize