I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
These tits shall not be calmed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
