I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
