saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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