i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
