I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
