Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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