omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
