The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
