I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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