So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
