he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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