Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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