We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize