I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
