Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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