4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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