were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
