Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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