who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
