that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize