Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
