I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
