im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
