Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
