I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is the high leading the old right now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
