did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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