that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
