Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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