last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
