I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
