My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
false alarm, still single
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