Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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