you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
