he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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