I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
