So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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