I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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