Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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