oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
